Gate City Marathon

Date: May 21, 2017

Location: Nashua, NH

It’s a sunny Sunday in May, and I’m standing with a starting line in front of me, surrounded by 200 runners. I realize that until now it hadn’t really hit me. Was I really about to run a marathon? It felt like any other day. Usually marathon weekends are a grand event… traveling somewhere, joining up with a group of friends, going to a big expo, sleeping in a foreign bed… it all mentally prepares me for the race itself. But this morning I woke up in my own bed and just got in the car and drove about an hour. And voila, here I stood. Am I really about to do this? I just feel like a regular person on a regular day, standing among a crowd.

But it wasn’t just a regular day. It was a day that I’d been preparing for for months. Years even. Slowly building up my blood vessel volume, and the size of my mitochondria army, and the tensile strength of my tendons. Those changes don’t happen over night, they take years and years of consistent work. Like building a network of smooth and efficient roads on the map of my body. And I was hoping that today it would all be worthwhile and I would run my fastest marathon yet.

 

So there I stood on Main Street of downtown Nashua, NH. A town not so different from most small New England towns. A stretch of charming businesses, a grand-looking town hall, a small park with a monument just off the main street. I put in my headphones to get in the zone. Okay, focus. You are really about to do this. Why did I feel so calm? Maybe it’s because the course consisted of several small loops, so all I actually needed to focus on right now was the first 5.5 mile loop. Very manageable. Jin stood off to the side of the starting area. The miles between now and when I would see him again on the sidelines didn’t feel so daunting.

Loop 1

3-2-1. We were off. The course started out with a nice, long uphill out of the town center along Main Street. A towering monument waited for us at the end of the road, marking the top of the hill. I felt slightly breathless once I got to the top but recovered quickly, fueled by adrenaline. Despite the fact that the first loop consisted of rolling hills, I have nothing but calm, peaceful memories when I look back on it. It was a beautiful day, and I was surrounded by lovely tree-lined neighborhoods. I was also sticking to my pace perfectly. Maybe I was just feeling confident because my training had gone so well. Once again I followed the FIRST training plan, this time for a 3:40 marathon. But I planned on starting out more conservatively, at the pace to finish in 3:45. Because starting out too fast has been my downfall too many times, and I really wanted to finish this marathon strong.

Once I’d settled into a rhythm, I found some other runners who were also running my pace so I focused on sticking with them. After running mostly through neighborhoods, the road widened and gave us a nice downhill stretch next to a large park. Before I knew it, I’d hit mile 5 and my pace quickened slightly at the thought of reaching the downtown area, and finishing that first loop. There were hardly any crowds along the course, because they were all concentrated along the main stretch where I’d be transitioning to the next loop. I could hear the cheering in the distance as I approached. Then suddenly, there was Jin! I waved and grabbed some water, and then I was off on loop 2.

Loop 2

5.3 miles. Now this was the distance that commandeered every corner of my brain. Just make it through the next 5.3 miles. Loop 2 headed south out of town; the opposite direction from loop 1. But the scenery wasn’t much different... mostly residential once again. Combine that with the fact that with such a small field of runners, there was hardly anyone else around me – it still felt like a run on any regular day. The experience stood in stark contrast to my last marathon in NYC – so packed with runners and spectators in the busy city streets. I hoped that the outcome of this race would be drastically different too.

At least running in tree-lined neighborhoods meant opportunities for shade. The temperature was in the low 50s by now, but the sun was in full force, adding a few degrees on top of that. I felt comfortable for the most part as long as I hugged the edge of the course to stay in the shade. But for the last mile of this loop, we turned left onto Main for a long, sunny stretch and my body temperature started to rise. That mile seemed to last forever, but finally I made it to the transition area where Jin was waiting for me again. Seeing him gave me the boost I needed to recover from that last, draining mile and I set off on loop 3 with renewed vigor.

Loop 3

Loop 3 was the same as loop 1 – the only repeating loop. And the hilliest. The first time through, the rolling hills barely slowed me down. But this time, they weren’t quite as comfortable. Each uphill felt twice as long and twice as steep. For the most part I was able to keep up my pace, but I’d be lying if I said that these feelings of fatigue didn’t have me worried. I was just about halfway done – too early to be feeling it.

I passed one familiar landmark after another – the cannons stationed in the park, the beautiful towering temple. Time is a fickle friend. Hadn’t the time between passing those two landmarks on loop 1 gone by so much faster? The miles dragged on, and although my pace hadn’t changed much at all, the ever-lurking doubt was starting to trickle in. At last I reached Main Street again and that meant starting on the second-to-last loop… where the race really began.

Loop 4

10 more miles. I mean, 5.3. Just focus on the next 5.3. Loop 4 was drastically different from the others. I felt exposed in the ever-warming sun as we passed the Millyard, but at the next corner we turned onto a beautiful, snaking trail through the woods. As the cooler air flowed around me and the soft dirt path compressed underfoot, I felt wonderfully refreshed. Any feelings of gloom and doubt that had started to creep in over the last loop lifted. This was the change of scenery I needed. I enjoyed every step of that trail, drinking in sights of the green trees and muddy river and silently apologizing to the sun for thinking it could do anything worse than reveal the beautiful landscape around me.

But as soon as I stepped off the trail, back onto hot black pavement, the magic was broken. My legs and lungs finally realized they had just done 20 miles of work. My skin and mouth felt hot and dry and I cursed the sun for fooling me into a false sense of amity. I was consumed with thoughts of the water stop coming up. As I reached the table, I gave in to the desire to walk – for just a few seconds, I swear!

After what was likely more than just a few seconds, I took off again and that’s when I heard someone calling my name. My sister Kristin, brother-in-law Ryan, and niece Abbey were just up ahead cheering! Their timing couldn’t have been more perfect. 

My sufferfest immediately ended and I don’t know if I felt more like laughing or crying, I was so happy to see them. And they even had SIGNS for me! Pretty much the best signs I’d ever seen. My lifted spirits carried me through to the end of that loop, and I was all smiles when I saw Jin again on Main Street and set off on the final loop.

Loop 5

Thank you, thank you, to the brilliant geniuses that designed this course for making the last loop the shortest. Screw landing on Mars or curing cancer, nothing will ever top this brilliance! (Disclaimer: post-race, rational-thinking Caitlin is 1000% in support of both Mars landings and cancer cures). There’s not a whole lot I remember about this loop except that it was just over 4 miles and I desperately wanted it to be over.

Within only a few steps of starting that loop, the smiles were gone. I was alone once again, and vulnerable to the poisonous, sneaky, doubts. I managed to hold on to my pace for mile 23, but everything started unraveling over the next mile, and I finished mile 24 almost a full minute slower. The crushing despair that comes with seeing that time on your watch after coming so far and holding your goal pace for so long is… well, crushing. And extremely hard to bounce back from. Which is why my pace for mile 25 wasn’t much better. I was beyond crushed. Flattened.

Okay, just one more mile to go. By now, I was on that same sunny, unending stretch up Main Street that I’d run at the end of loop 2. I’m not exaggerating at all when I say that this time it felt 10 times longer. But I knew I needed to turn things around, and I only had one mile left to do it. It was pep talk time.

One bonus of running a small race is you can talk to yourself and there’s a good chance there won’t be anyone within earshot to hear your crazy ranting. But the fact that my ears heard the words coming out of my mouth made them that much more powerful. Though it was beyond excruciating, I finished mile 26 exactly on pace.

 I could’ve started celebrating right then. Not only was I was about to finish this marathon, I was about to finish with a huge PR. But just because the finish line was in sight, didn’t mean it was over. I kept my eyes glued to the finish with stone-faced resolve. It was only in those final steps – finishing arch overhead, four adoring fans cheering for me – that I let myself believe it. It was over, and I had crushed it.

As soon as I crossed the finish line, Jin, Kristin, Ryan, and Abbey came rushing over to celebrate. I was mostly in shock and could barely get the words out to tell them that I’d bested myself by nearly five minutes and finished in 3:47:45.

Finishing on this side of 3:50 felt like I’d kicked down a huge wall that had been towering over me for years. Standing there on that sunny Sunday in May with a finish line behind me, surrounded by my loved ones, I think it finally sunk in. This wasn’t just a regular day.