Indianapolis Monumental Marathon

Date: November 1, 2014

Location: Indianapolis, IN

I am still in shock. A few months ago, I would never have guessed that this race would turn out the way it did. The short version: I had the best race of my life and FINALLY BROKE FOUR HOURS!!  The long version… well, keep reading. You know I can’t help but write every detail. Sorry in advance for how long this post is! But read on if you'd like to hear a story about the power of being relentless.

As many of you know, I ran this marathon with Team in Training (TNT) to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I’ll start by talking about the TNT Inspiration Dinner on Friday night, because my tale of this experience wouldn’t be complete without it. Runners from the Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio chapters joined together in the back room of the Old Spaghetti Factory downtown. During appetizers, we watched a video highlighting the impact TNT has had on some local children. Here is a mind-boggling statistic for you: In 1964, only 3% of children survived Leukemia. Today, 90% survive. The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society has helped to make that happen by funding research to find new treatment methods. A few examples of these are Gleevac®, which enables 95 percent of newly diagnosed Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) patients to survive more than 5 years with a good quality of life, and Velcade®, a targeted treatment approved for patients with multiple myeloma and mantle cell lymphoma.

During dinner we learned about a new treatment method in the early stages of development. This method – and I think this is unbelievably cool – uses a genetically altered HIV virus (it does not infect the patient with HIV) to reprogram the cells in a patient’s immune system to attack and kill the cancer cells in their own body. How cool is that? Giving the body the ability to kill its own cancer cells. Amazing.

Next we heard from a 3-time survivor of leukemia. Imagine… beating cancer only to have it come back not once, but twice more. Her resilience is incredible. Especially given some of the details of her experiences: Going blind for a few months, being treated with arsenic injections (yes, arsenic), realizing her own organs were slowly failing. She said “Of course there were times when it all felt completely hopeless. But I never stopped fighting, and because of people like you, I stand here today, a survivor.”

Together, as TNT participants in the Monumental Marathon/Half Marathon, from several different chapters, we raised about $40,000! And the Indiana Chapter has raised over $125,000 total for the three fall events our chapter participated in. I feel honored to have been a part of this amazing cause. A HUGE thank you to all the people that donated to my fund. You made it possible!

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I stayed downtown that night with my usual marathon group: Jin, Si, and Nate. After getting our race packets at the expo and settling in, we looked out our hotel window and guess what we saw swirling around outside... snow. The first snow of the season! Not exactly what you want to see the night before you run a marathon. We all unpacked lots of layers to wear the next morning.

I was so nervous on race morning I could barely eat my bagel. My team met up before the race in a hotel lobby right by the start. We got a group picture, said the team cheer, “GO TEAM!” and most of all, stayed warm until the last possible minute. It was not easy parting with my warm sweats as we headed to the corral. I don’t know if I was shaking more from nerves or the cold. Jin and I positioned ourselves near the 4:00 pace group. We were hoping to meet up with Si in the corral, but we couldn’t find her.

After what felt like an eternity of shivering, the gun went off and we made the slow move up to the start line. People were taking off layers of clothing left and right and throwing them off to the side, or just leaving them on the ground for other people to trip on. The first few miles we ran around downtown Indianapolis. Jin and I were together, running with the pace group. I quickly settled into the pace and focused on the sights of downtown, which are so familiar to me now, after working in the city this summer at Eli Lilly. We ran south through the wholesale district, past Lucas Oil Stadium, and then we ran past Lilly! (Not the campus that I worked at, but I took a picture anyway – there’s the (blurry) red logo!). After that we turned and headed north back toward the center of downtown. 

The crowds got thicker and thicker as we got closer to Monument Circle. In the middle of Monument circle is the Soldiers and Sailors monument, probably the most well-known monument in Indy and the logo of this marathon. The crowd of spectators was thickest here. Everyone was cheering and ringing cowbells. Running toward the monument surrounded on all sides by spectators... these are the moments I savor most. I scanned the crowds for someone I knew, but there were too many people. Turns out Nate was there! Below is a picture from his point of view of the 4:00 pace group approaching the turn. We’re in there somewhere!

Next we ran down Mass Ave, which has all the best shops and restaurants. We passed by my favorite chocolate shop. I wished I could have had one of their cheesecake truffles right then.

Suddenly we were out of downtown and the path through residential areas of the city felt very lonely and quiet compared to all the commotion of downtown. I was still running with the 4:00 pace group along with Jin. Running with the pace group has a lot of advantages…I don’t have to keep looking at my watch and worrying about my pace. So all that uncertainty and fear I felt at the beginning of the Flying Pig Marathon never came. All I had to do was focus on putting one foot in front of the other. I could remain calm and just get in the zone, listening to my sweet running jams (mostly Linkin Park and TSwift J). The disadvantage of running with the group though, is being constantly surrounded by a large number of people. It makes for a few collisions and elbows to the side. I literally collided with some guy at a water station. It was all worth it though to let someone else do the pacing for me.

Before I knew it, we’d reached the 10K timing mats. I pictured my friends and family receiving that first text/email update of my progress and it was comforting – as if I could feel their presence on the course. Not long after that, I was joined by a familiar face. One of my TNT coaches, Scott barreled into me from the side making me (and Jin) almost trip. “Sorry, I meant to do that.” He is always causing trouble. He ran with me for about a half-mile, making sure I was doing okay and had everything I needed. “So far so good, the pace feels great. I’m just worried about whether I can hold it to the end.” I said. He said, “Just don’t let that 4:00 sign out of sight. You got this!” He dropped back to go find another runner in purple to encourage just as the half marathoners split from the marathoners at mile 7. We all cheered for each other at the split wishing the other runners good luck on the rest of their race.

Around mile 9 or 10 I felt like the pace was getting faster. I looked at my Garmin and it said we were running about an 8:30 minute mile! A 4-hour pace is a 9:10 minute mile so I was confused. I still kept up with the group though, trusting that the pacers knew what they were doing. I looked around and suddenly realized Jin was nowhere in sight. I hadn’t seen him drop back, but I figured the quickened pace was probably too much for him. So I was alone.

The next few miles were uneventful, but went by really quickly. Before I knew it, we were in Broad Ripple at the halfway point! Wow, 13.1 miles already? The race was flying by, and the pace still felt easy. I was excited to be halfway done, but suddenly started freaking out. I’ve driven to Broad Ripple from downtown and it feels very far away. The thought that I’d run all the way here and still had to run back downtown… !!! Overwhelming. Plus, the second half is where the race really begins. Just knowing that the hard part was on the horizon filled me with dread.

But then I saw a spectator holding a sign that said ‘Relentless Forward Progress’. It turns out this is the title of an ultrarunning book, but I didn’t know that at the time. Instead it made me think of the TNT t-shirts we all got for being a part of the team. They simply say ‘Relentless’ on the front.

Persistent. Unrelenting. Basically, never giving up. Never giving up in the fight to cure blood cancers. Never giving up in my fight to conquer these 26.2 miles.

So what if the hard part is coming? Bring. It. On.

A few minutes later I got another boost from seeing my friend Frank and his dad on the side of the road – they had come to cheer us all on! Including Frank’s girlfriend who was running her very first marathon. “Frank! Frank!” I shouted excitedly. Frank’s dad snapped some pictures. You can see how ridiculously excited I was to see them.

At mile 15 I forced myself to eat something. I wasn’t hungry, but I knew I had to do it. I’d been practicing eating more on my long runs and it made a world of difference in my energy levels at the end. In my conversations with Coach Mark, we had decided that I hadn’t been taking in enough calories in my previous marathons. After eating a little, I could feel myself gaining more energy.

Near mile 16 people around me started walking. It took me back to my last marathon in Cincinnati. This was the point when I had started walking in that race because of the pain in my knees. Not this time. I thought as I passed some walkers. That will not be me this time.

Mile 17 came and went and we passed by Butler University. I knew that must mean the Indianapolis Museum of Art would be coming up because we’d done some TNT group training runs around this area. Sure enough, soon we were running through the beautiful trees that surround the museum. The sun was out in full force and I was starting to actually get a little hot. I remember a spectator sign here that said “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 26.2.” That made me laugh… it was all too appropriate with my TSwift jams. As we left the museum area, we ran over the 30K timing mats. I pictured everyone getting another update and realized the next update they would get would be when I crossed the finish line!!! Here I was, 18 and a half miles in, and still on pace to finish in 4 hours. WHAT?! But I still didn’t want to believe it was possible. I had almost 8 miles to go and anything could happen.

As the path took us along the White River, the 4:00 pace group was still in front of me, but it was starting to get farther and farther away. Looking at my Garmin, I was still going at a good pace, so I stuck with my gut instinct to stay the pace I was at, and not try to catch up with them. I had my suspicions that they were going too fast. Even so, seeing them get farther ahead was discouraging and the pain of exhaustion was beginning to set in. This part of the route was pretty isolated and I started to feel very alone. I had noticed that I had a lot of text messages the last time I took my phone out to take a picture, so I decided now would be a great time to read some of them. Let me tell you, it is not easy to read a text while running, especially when your phone keeps auto-rotating. But reading all the words of encouragement from friends and family who were following my progress was exactly what I needed at that moment. I got a little choked up thinking about how much they believed in me and it was all I needed to keep pushing on. 

Before I knew it I was at the 20-mile mark. I looked at my watch and saw that I had been running for 3 hours and 3 minutes. That meant that I had run those 20 miles faster than I have ever run 20 miles IN MY LIFE. I had the fleeting thought that as long as I ran all the remaining miles under 10 minutes each, I had a shot at a 4-hour marathon. It was the first time in the race that I actually believed it could become a reality. But could I really maintain a 9-something pace for the next 6 miles to make it in 4 hours? I can honestly say I had no idea. Because I had never done it before.

I forced myself to eat some more and then I saw Frank and his dad again. Frank’s dad got a picture of me with Frank cheering behind me! My motto over the next few miles was “If it doesn’t suck, you’re not running fast enough.” I wouldn’t say that I was hitting the wall… I never really did hit the wall. But it was definitely a slow burn of exhaustion that just kept increasing in intensity as I ran.

If you read my previous post, you know that my inspiration for running this race with TNT was my experience with 4K for Cancer and my cousin Paul. I was wearing my 4K for Cancer Alum bracelet and at this point I kept looking down at it, thinking of some of the toughest days of that summer. The infamous Ozark Day (100+ miles of constant rolling hills) kept coming to mind. I channeled the strength and toughness I had found in myself that day. If I could do that, I could certainly do this. I also thought of Paul and how much he had believed in me. I knew that it didn’t really matter what my finishing time ended up being. As long as I gave this race every last ounce of strength I had, he would be proud. The last miles are the ones that make or break you. I was not going to let them break me.

Up ahead, I spotted Coach Mark! He asked if I needed anything, and how I was feeling. “Honestly, I have never felt this good so late in a marathon,” I said. And it was true. Yes, I was exhausted. Every cell in my body felt deflated with fatigue. But I still felt… strong. It’s hard to explain that I could feel both at the same time, but I did. Coach Mark ran with me for an entire mile, all the while encouraging me and pushing my pace. I was very grateful for that because I really needed that push. Talking with him also distracted me from feeling the fatigue. He left me with some final words of encouragement at mile 23.

I crossed the bridge over Fall Creek and began the long stretch down Meridian St toward downtown. I could see the city skyline in the distance. I just focused on bringing those buildings closer to me. I imagined reeling them in with each footstep. I knew I was so close! I could taste the end. But my energy was really waning. Thankfully at that moment, as if he knew I needed him, Coach Scott appeared at my side. He reminded me of all the delicious things waiting for me at the finish line and helped me keep my pace up to finish out mile 24 strong. Finally I couldn’t help myself, I blurted out “I’m going to PR!” Saying it out loud and hearing his excited response made it official. I didn’t say anything to him about the possibility of finishing under four hours though. If I'd said it out loud, and didn't end up making it, the disappointment would've been too much.

Coach Scott left me alone with my own thoughts of pain and chocolate milk as I approached the 25 mile marker. I was still running under 10 minute miles but just barely. I really could make it under four hours! In my head I kept repeating, "You can do this. Mind over muscle," and reminding myself that I wasn't just running this race for me. Finally I was back in the heart of downtown and I saw a guy wearing the purple of Team in Training walking up ahead. As I passed him I shouted “Go Team!” and he shouted it back. Little did I know, I'd motivated him to start running again, and he chased me down in the final mile! (You can see him behind me in the pictures). I actually provided a chase for someone! That’s pretty exciting since I am usually the one doing the chasing.

As I rounded the corner onto New York Street at mile 25.5 I saw Nathan up ahead. I waved and shouted; I was super excited to see him! But then, as I approached the 26 mile marker, I looked at my watch and realized I had been so stupid… I had completely neglected to factor in the last 0.2 miles in my pacing estimations! (When you’re counting down miles, you think in terms of whole numbers). I only had about two minutes until I reached the 4-hour mark!! I knew then that I HAD to finish under 4:00. I couldn’t even stand the thought of being this close and finishing even a millisecond over. Of course 3:59:59 and 4:00:00 say the same exact thing about a runner’s ability. But in the sport of running, where you’re competing against nothing but the clock, that extra second is everything.

No regrets. IT’S NOW OR NEVER. So even though every cell in my body screamed not to, I took off in a sprint and flew down the final 0.2 mile stretch. Am I going to make it? Did I make it?? I glanced at my watch before crossing the line, and I saw that little number 3 at the front of the time. VICTORY!!

I stopped my watch at 3:59:39 and stumbled around in shock. Is this real life? I was handed a medal and a finisher’s hat. Then my friend in purple who had chased me, approached and thanked me for pushing him at the end!

Even though my watch displayed that little 3, I couldn’t let it be real until I saw my official finishing time. I took out my phone because I realized looking at my texts from my friends who were tracking me was the fastest way to find out if I’d really done it. As soon as I saw all the exclamations of “under 4 hours!!” I just started crying. It was real. After wanting this for so long and trying so many times, I had actually done it. My leg muscles were starting to seize up in the cold, so I headed toward the recovery tent to get warm and cry some more and wait for my friends to finish.

Jin had a rough race after splitting off from the pace group… at one point he had stopped and made up his mind to quit. But he eventually started running again, and pushed through to the end! And Si, tough as she is, ran the whole race with a pulled hamstring and still managed to finish with a great time! Yeah girl! I'm so proud of them both.

My official time ended up being almost the exact same as what my watch had said. 3:59:38. Talk about a close call. Literally every second had mattered. And I couldn’t have done it alone. I have a lot of people to thank for shaving off crucial seconds: the 4:00 pacer for running slightly too fast in the beginning. My coaches for pushing my pace in those late miles. My friends and family who had sent me words of encouragement. All my donors for believing in me! A great race can’t be run alone.

It’s strange now to think that only a few months ago I was questioning if I would even be able to run this marathon at all. When injury struck and I didn't know when I'd be able to start running again, things felt a bit hopeless. And then there’s the fact that I had tried and failed twice already to reach this time goal. It would have been so easy to throw in the towel saying, it just wasn’t meant to be. But instead, I did everything in my power to recover, get back out there, and work even harder. Because if there's one thing I've learned from running, victory doesn't come from taking the easy road.

Never give up.

Be Relentless.